If there’s one emotional state that is usually in dire need of a perspective update, it’s rejection. Yes, those awful, painful memories that were burned into your heart and mind so many years ago.
Was hearing “no” life-threatening? Can you say with absolute certainty that the “no” was a personal rejection and not just a situational rejection? Could you have behaved differently for a better outcome?
These are questions worth asking because facing and overcoming rejection — be it of a proposal in the boardroom, in a personal or business relationship, or when presenting your work to a wider audience — is a necessary part of exploring new and expanded opportunities.
Still not convinced? Try it out for yourself. Here are some concrete practices to put you face to face with your “life or death” feelings of rejection:
Gain Courage: “Rejection is only the boogeyman when you spend your life running from it,” says Jia Jiang, a rejection specialist and author of the book Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection. He encourages frequently putting yourself out there and confronting rejection in order to desensitize yourself and more clearly reflect on rejection situations.
Don’t Run: “When rejection happens,” said Jiang. “Stay engaged.” His advice is to stick around after a “no” to see if you can draw more insight. Not running after hearing a “no” also gives you the opportunity to further connect and understand if there’s a way to turn the “no” into a “yes.” Additionally, this can be particularly valuable in sales situations when sticking around might produce a new lead.
Ask Why: “The magic word is ‘why,’” said Jiang of the power word he uses to linger after a rejection. It might open room to negotiate or give you a chance to discuss what they might say “yes” to next time. If you ask why, you might find that what you’re offering isn’t what the person wanted or needed and this alleviates the pain of personalizing the “no.”
Affirm Doubts: “Sometimes if you mention a doubt that the other person might be feeling,” said Jiang. “It shows that you’re thinking just like the other person.” Even a simple confirmation that you understand their doubts can disarm and give you a chance to connect.
So the next time you’re faced with rejection, instead of avoiding it altogether, bring some perspective to make sure it’s worth the fear. After all, major world leaders face rejection all the time and never let disappointment define them. They realize that rejections are just redirections and that a “no” is also a path to new possibilities.
Carolina Starin is a reporter, storyteller, and television, radio and podcast producer. Her varied work has been seen on CNN, The Wall Street Journal, Medium, KCRW and The Moscow Times. She holds a master’s in international business policy from Columbia University.
